Aug 19, 2009


"Suicide is Painless" are words that I will never accept, nor grow to like. I prefer to hear the theme song to M*A*S*H without the lyrics, and if at all possible, forgo the entry music altogether.

Watching this tv show with my cousin, Kevin is one of the last memories I have of him, and what makes it all the more defining, is the way he happily sung the lyrics as if they were stuck in his head in replay.

I do not remember much of the day except that upon learning of his death, the song immediately came to mind, as his suicide did not come long after. At the tender age of 13, with niavity wrapped around my waist as a belt, I searched for something or someone to blame.

For me, at that age, I hardly knew what suicide was, and hearing the lyrics to this song convinced me that perhaps it had convinced him, or at least made a better argument for death than life had tried so hard to prove against it.

It has been over 20 years and still this song effects me. I have not boycotted the show, as I can honestly say I am a fan. I will give credit where credit is due, but couldn't they have chosen a different song?

I get it. I do. The song is fitting to the tragedy this show represents, and it is ironic for me on so many levels. The medical team of the 4077th were doctors and every day people with every day problems, who saw tragedy in thier "lives" and yet found the strength to continue to help and find hope and life in tragedy and war around them. They provided care and attention to those in physical and mental pain, and yet the theme song could not provide that for my cousin... or did it? It's a question I no longer can dwell on.

I have dedicated the better portion of my life now to suicide outreach. It is because of that song that caused me to search out the meaning of the words. I suppose it means different things to different people, but somewhere it provided comfort if only to some.

To my cousin Kevin, this site is dedicated to help give back his voice and the many voices that suicide has claimed and continues to claim.

Suicide is not painless, and although it takes on many changes... one cannot take or leave it ( if one pleases). One is either -or ;not in between. The decision to live is possibly more difficult than the one made to suicide.

Suicide isolates and seperates, and in this world, that is not considered living. It is easy to be alone, but it is harder to be lonely among a body of one's peers. It is easy to be driven into seclusion, but it is a most difficult challenge to find solitude in a dance hall and be at peace when the world wants to go to war. For some the battle hits home, and instead of hanging out in the back yard... the war knocks at your door step... this site is for you.